The last few weeks have felt strange… I don’t feel Christmasy yet. I haven’t even put up the tree! I’ve bought about 3 presents and just can’t get going. I think because the weather has been weird (ie. raining and cold again) I can’t get in to the Christmas vibe. Christmas is supposed to be wonderful and magical according to the tv, movies, shop windows, Pinterest… but I ain’t feelin’ it.
I’ve also been distracted with other things going on. My children have had about 32 excursions/sporting trips this term (slight exaggeration, but close!). I have been so stressed with all of them. Mainly because my bank account does not match up with the amount of money I have to shell out. Every second day I am doling out money. We also have a few trips away in January for kids’ cricket and the expense of my operation in February is hanging over my head. Why that so expensive?? I am in a health fund, but still getting charged thousands, plus accommodation for my husband to be with me in Sydney. I should not complain because there are many worse than me. I just don’t know how other people get through it all?? Unless you’ve been sick for a long time no one really understands that having a chronic illness is like having a 2nd mortgage – it’s just always there. Geez Louise.
Is anyone else just feeling a bit shite at the moment? I spent most of Sunday morning choking on tears as I walked around the house trying to do my normal jobs. My husband kept nicely asking me to stop. I just couldn’t stop. I didn’t really have a reason why. I just felt like I needed to let it all out.
My kids have also been hard work lately. They are growing and changing. I am finding it really challenging to not be overbearing and bossy. I feel like I have to start letting them go a little, but that really hurts and I cannot do that. Particularity my eldest. Why is parenting so hard??
Ok, so yep I’m having a whinge. I know I’m supposed to be festive and happy, but that isn’t coming yet. I’m not depressed or sad or anything, I’m just so moody! Ask my husband. I even went and had my hormones tested because I have been feeling so out of whack. I needed to blame something… Bloods just showed my usual high white cell, low iron and I basically just have to get on with it. Although I’ll happily blame Mercury in Retrograde. “…. all of the truths and feelings you’ve kept buried inside will come to the surface, causing uneasy feelings, miscommunications and just absolute chaos. ” 😉
You’re probably reading this saying what you complaining about woman? A good whinge, a tantrum and a few tears are what’s needed every now and then. We all need to let some stresses out from time to time. Christmas can be a really weird time of the year. So many ups and downs. So many pressures. Love lost, love strained, financial pressures for some…. I need a serious change of scenery. I need a bloody holiday with my boys. We have a few days booked in Melbourne to watch The Ashes (which luckily I paid for back in July!). But that’s about the only real break we’ll have this Christmas (apart from the kids’ cricket trips haha). I need some sunshine, that’s what I need! I’d just be happy with that. 😉
Send me some Christmas cheer won’t you? Anyone else feeling a little edgy??
I’m off to pick a kitchen for a client today so that will cheer me up. Happy Tuesday friends. X