Love is hard to put in to words. It can make you happier than you’ve ever been and sadder than ever before. I think when Connie “died of cancer” (as Sam wrote) yesterday I read messages of love and support and I just knew that she felt the love. Sam said she was cushioned by all the love. I feel a bit soppy today so I wanted to share 4 things that stuck with me lately…
My Mum was here last weekend. She lives about an hour and half away from me so I don’t see her all the time. We talk on the phone almost every day though. Or if we skip a day there’s usually text messages back and forth. We were chatting about my Nan (her Mum) who unfortunately went in to a nursing home this year. Mentally my Nan is as good as gold, but she needs full time care for her mobility. I know my Mum feels terrible about her being there, but it is the best thing for my Nan. My Mum said to me “she has been the best Mum, I couldn’t have asked for a better Mum, and I’m going to tell her that tomorrow.” I said you should. Then I said “well, while we’re going, I just want you to know that I think you’ve been the best Mum also and I wouldn’t wish for anyone else.” My Mum said thank you and I know it was appreciated. It’s true though, I am lucky and think my Mum is the best lady I know. Now that I am a Mum myself I just hope that when my boys grow up (past their revolting teenage years!) they’ll be able to say I was a good Mum. That’s all we need isn’t it? Just to know that we succeeded in raising kids who can say thank you at the end of that day?
Last week someone leant in to me and gave me a meaningful hug. And I felt it. Not like a normal hello-hug, but rather one where you felt like they really meant it. I thought about it for ages. Because for some reason it made me feel good. And appreciated and noticed. Then I remembered listening to Gretchen Ruben talk about ‘holding your hugs’. She said “Research shows that if we hold a hug for at least six seconds, we optimize the flow of mood-boosting chemicals. Studies show that a family member is 47% more likely to feel close to a family member who often expresses affection than to one who rarely does. Sometimes it’s good to say, “I love you,” sometimes it’s good to express that thought without words. Also, frequent huggers have lower blood pressure and higher levels of oxytocin (a chemical that promotes bonding).” And how true! Just a simple hug made me feel lighter, calmer and just happy.
I said to my 12 year old yesterday “I love you so much. I love your face. I just love it.” I always tell my boys I love them. My husband says it too. But on this day I was really telling my boy I loved him. He said “why are you saying it so much today?” I said “because darling, sometimes you should say it so people really hear it. Like really really hear it.” He nodded and looked at my face and said he loved me too.
My husband was being a real dick the other day. I just couldn’t get along with him. No matter what he did, or I did, we were so annoyed with each other. I wasn’t easy to get along with either hahaha. And I am a right fighter. I am fully aware of that. He is an obliger. So we niggled and argued loudly for ages. Then we calmed down and forgot the drama and continued on with our day. One of the boys said “now look at you, you’re both friends again!” Hahahaha…. My husband said “we’re always going to be friends at the end of the day.” And he’s right. It’s ok to fight and argue, but as long as we can sort it out, then I know we’ll still love each other no matter what.
“To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything.” — T. Tolis